Year Marker

Tomorrow will mark one year since my husband, Tom, died of advanced Parkinson's disease. We did not have cemetery plots at the time, so I had to go quickly to our Church's cemetery office to purchase two. I was surprised to find that there were some available close to his family, in an older part of the cemetery. They had a large family gravestone, but the plots directly around it were all taken. Still, there were 3 right next to them, so I decided on two of these rather than in the new area. Whenever Tom and I went to the cemetery we went there, so I figured the location would be familiar for me to visit. I will go tomorrow and spend a little time. I will wait to put flowers until is is warmer. There are three urns there and I put flowers in close to Memorial Day.

I thought writing this post would help me get through today and tomorrow. I am OK, but it just weighs heavy, as anyone knows who goes through grief. That is, anyone who is old enough to survive a loved one.  I admired many things about my departed husband who was very kind and patient. But another is that his love brought to me a new appreciation of Christ's love. I had strayed away from the Christianity I was brought up with, going from atheist to agnostic. But in all that time I was trying to find meaning through externals such as personal appearance and accomplishments. With Tom I felt loved and accepted as I truly was, much more than when I was young and felt the competition of getting into a good school and then through those dark days of disbelief. And when he brought me to his Catholic church, that feeling of acceptance was reinforced. I believe God drew me near to Him then, perhaps directly but also through these people.

It is nice to have a blog at times such as now to express myself in ways it would be hard face to face with someone. My comfort is in the same God and people who love me and in believing I will be together with Jesus and Tom "in person" someday.